One thing that has made itself astoundingly clear to me is that I am old enough to belong uniquely to a certain span of time. "I was there for a few years when Jim Wells (R.I.P.) was the barn farrier. I showed Quarter Horse Circuit when Ma Cline (R.I.P.) was still showing. I went to this school and that school when ------------- (insert all the possibilities)."
I logically feel that at times this will be an elevation in happiness. I know other times this will feel like doomsday crushing upon my existence.The passage of time is a particularly emotional matter today as I can celebrate another full year of being a living person. It's my birthday and I had a great weekend, amazing gifts sure, but another confirmation that I am loved and valued by family, friends, Tacky, the other horses, dogs, and cats at the barn where we board Tacky.
Deep sadness, regret, and listless guilt clouded my sleep early this morning as I remembered loved ones that have not lived to see this day. As is the turbulent state of human emotions, I was able to take a rare dive into my memories from long ago. My down feelings were balanced with the warmth of great memories that and times that I was able to have with all of the people that will always be a part of me . . .
Grandma Trudy, the Czarina of jewelry
Statta Mamma, the old world angel in the new world
Cathleen Cline, the best show ring comrade to have ever walked this earth
Jim Wells, an astounding man and a valiant farrier of top class show horses
George Barry, the best professional judge to have for the first show I skipped school for
Clint, the kind canine that really smiled at you
Bugs, who really was handsome and a great riding horse
Tonka, the paint mare with a colorful, kind personality
Charlie, my first real love, the first horse I ever rode
Spirit, the best pony to ever slip off of
Buck, the calm horse with the speeding canter
Rutroe, making sure I had practice time
Larry Bair, "Sonny P's and Poncho's owner," the kindest mounted pistol competitor in the whole world
All the armed forces personnel who gave the ultimate sacrifice. War is not always just or fair, but there would be no United States of America, no Ohio Dominican University, no anything that we take for granted each day without the victories we've had in our history.
I am endlessly thankful for the seemingly endless years of education that medical doctors go through to be masters of their craft. My grandfather came out alive and extremely vibrant from a medical operation before Christmas! I haven't seen him this vibrant in I don't know how many years! It is easier than I would like to feel a sad kind of rage, where it feels like no one has what anybody could call a just heart, clean morals, honesty, etc. That kind of doom and gloom sense that everyone is alone and out for themselves. I am thankful for the above people and horses whom I will always cherish. When I remember all of them or one of them, I remember that this world can be a fantastic place.
By the way, in case your curiosity is piqued, I got the title for this blog from the Jurassic Park ride that is at both Universal Studios park locations. The scenery pinpoint, the vocal tone and depth of the voice that says that on the audio speakers in those boats is timelessly magnetic. If that man has deceased I am thankful for his work too. I love the irony of the recording going on about whatever pleasant aquatic dinosaur is supposed to be "next" on the "tour" as the boat actually enters the carnivore terminal.
On a simpler cultural note, the movie Valkyrie is absolutely astounding. Decades after the actual event, when men sworn in to the Nazi army dared to defy evil by attempting to bring down the most evil man possibly to ever exist. It is compelling that the events of the final assassination attempt by Germans to bring Hitler down took this long to be well known by popular culture. Especially since our American ancestors of decades past fought in Germany, occupied it, restored it, and crusaded to bring the Berlin wall down. Same concept for the majestic story in the movie Defiance, which comes out soon. Three jewish brothers saved thousands of other jews in World War Two from certain death. Only hell and high water can stop me from seeing this film.
I can state with conviction that as time goes on we, as individuals and as a society uncover more about ourselves, our past, and the state of our present. The same can also be said for concealing our individual and societal essence as time goes on. Their is a faction in Germany that is re-writing history books to state the Holocaust is a myth. In America, the reality and cruelty of the old institutions is being eroded from the knowledge of the generations that were not alive to know them. The text book, Christmas in Purgatory which revolted the masses in America to shutting down the institutions has been years out of print. I can gather that the old institutions are not mentioned in academia anymore.
Although I am not a history buff, I do appreciate the fact that no dilemma can be successfully conquered without gathering the solution from a historical context. I have gotten much better at that for my personal life. Signing off, no need to send cake!
"If I'm not being pushed to the edge of failure, then I'm not being sufficiently challenged." I'm keeping that quote in mind, which came from the country singer Jewel. I feel I can't function as a person with self-esteem if that was the equilibrium of existence, but I feel I become stronger and smarter from such trials in life. What about you?
Already I miss the daily contact with my peers and friends, replaced with some text messages, phone messages, and soon Facebook messages. (I noticed the further summer break and winter break progress, the more Facebook messages I get.) As the snow whirls and dances outside, I feel like whirling and dancing myself. Over break I will be seeing my family's horses two or three days a week, exercising three days a week, working, doing a case study with a student for reading comprehension, having some time with friends, family time, and studying to pass a test. This isn't just any test, it is one of 3 tests that stands between me and my certification upon graduation.
This test is the Special Education Core Content Knowledge, divided into three sections of understanding exceptionalities, legal and societal issues, and delivering services to students with disabilities. As it is a Praxis test, dates, locations, and times are set an non-negotiable. I take the test at Ohio State University on January 10th. Sure, I welcome good luck cheers, but I feel that for the greatest percentage of the time, we forge our own luck. Odd enough as it is, I'm not sure what philosophical thought that lends itself to.
As far as tests are concerned, I've been told that they separate the posers from the real people, and give people an opportunity to assess and think "do I really want this?" Quite a few people I know either got out of education or couldn't progress because of the Praxis tests. From assessing minimum passing scores of the tests, the reading praxis that I plan to take a year from now has the highest needed score of five hundred something. Although it feels a great span of time must elapse from now until then, I feel as confident about that test as a shooting star shining and blazing in the sky.
From my field placements this semester, I know I operate better in a mild to moderate setting. I was also told, which I myself validate, work better being specific and content driven. Going for the reading endorsement seems like heaven on earth for me, as I enjoy reading myself, and helping the little people with their reading. Although a few years away seems much thrown into the distant to-come, at this point my aspiration is to graduate, teach or year or two, validate things, then pursue a Master's Degree in Reading Education. Although I'm not the professional or personal self I dreamed of being at this point, I feel with full validity that I am getting there.
To post again, due on Monday, January the 5th, 2009!
That's a line from an absolutely mesmerizing song from the popular animated movie Anatasia called "Once Upon A December." It feels fair to say the title is the effect on campus now. Some of our great seniors will leave us to accelerate on to the lives and professions that they've dreamed of, while the rest of us are in a torrent of heavy duty finals, significant papers, and portfolios. Whether we're freshman or seniors, we're all like prancing horses. I can see it the weariness, excitedness, tiredness, and even sickness of my peers, my classmates, my friends, professors, and myself. Luckily, aftwerwards the holidays will be the spectacle of as close to carefree lights, gifts, and love as is possible in this mortal existence.
Lucky are those who have professors kind enough to bestow early finals. I feel tense with an online final that I have to initiate and complete tomorrow yet, with a tumultous final on Thursday evening. Plain naturally, this is often the peak of stress because many procrastinate, so no new secrets of psychological academia there. I see this as especially true of "traditional" students, who have no children and whose main responsibility is school. I love how most of ODU's students have lives outside of the cute little clubs and things here on campus. It's more hard-hitting sector of the real world to have courses with people who work, have children, and go to school here. To be an education major is a whole new breed of traditional student.
We have lessons to plan, deep case studies, praxis logs, weekly logs (usually), plus the assignments of our classes on top. Tough, intense, and heart-breaking at times, my field placements have been real, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. As I keep details confidental anyway, being retrospective I wish I would have mentioned more of my teaching experiences. (Writing things like "I taught a group science, a one on one language arts and . . . . It would have been so much more interesting than that though on a week by week basis.) Keep reading next semester though!
Before leaping ahead into that quantum of time, congratulations again to graduating seniors! Bloggers have been given dates every other week for blogs over break, so I will be reporting back in two weeks from now! Greatest wishes of best fortune!
In a rhythm all its own, fall semester takes its sweet time, slowly waltzing in its graceful dance of time. It seems like endless ages ago we were on mid-terms, and an eternity ago that we started. Spring semester, however, is a different story. Spring semester dances with all the lively exuberance of the sun and seems here and gone in a flash. Back in the here and now, it seems to me we're all rejuvenated for University life.
My break involved a bundle of peaceful sleep with a mountain of homework. Unfortunately, I didn't transverse this mountain of homework like I had desired to. On Thanksgiving Day, I took a break from my professional reading to wrap Christmas presents; yes, Christmas presents on Thanksgiving Day! It was a soothing activity; all I could think was "ha! at least I am ahead of the game with this Christmas gift stuff!"
My friend Slinday, whom you may remember as my friend who stayed with me and my parents during the blackout, cheerfully commented "wow, gift wrapping? and you have my birthday gift too? you have problems Melissa LOL!" (Yea reader, how is that for an amusing blog!) Slinday's birthday present is not wrapped though, so I'm not ahead to the point of psychosis or anything like that.
My professional reading was a book, a personal book, that one of my cooperating teachers let me borrow. It's called Giving Effective Feedback to Your Students. For 110 pages of text, I took 10 front and back pages of notes, and I also copied some of the charts that were in the book. My cooperating teacher, by the way, gave this to me "just because it was helpful for me too," not because I was showing major deficits in my performance as a student teacher. Speaking of my methods classes, I am craving to be completed with that mountain of work associated with it.
I know I will miss the little people (the elementary schoolers) that I have had the privelege of working with when I finalize my time at the elementary school I got to teach at. Sometimes, more often than I would like to admit, I think I can't teach with all the political-ness and tedious paperwork of it. Then I remember of all the great students, children, I've gotten to work with, and simple love for other people shines the way for me. I also have learned that I am full of enthusiasm and passion for what I enjoy. I know I need to rein in my enthusiasm so I don't get overwhelmed easily. It all seems to go back to the Chinese proverb "let your love come softly like the mist, but never ending like the river rain" or something of that effect.